Have you ever woken up and looked in the mirror and wondered where have the last six months gone? How did I get here? How did I let myself get this far off track? Well, I did. It is a hard reality to face when you have hit your low and you’ve let yourself go. It does not mean I let my priorities go. I let myself go. I am a divorced mother of two young children with full custody, I am in college to become an RN. I work full time as an assistant school nurse. There are still groceries in the refrigerator, Christmas presents are still bought, the house is somewhat organized, the laundry is done, and everyone is surviving. So, I didn’t let my responsibilities go. But how did I let her go. I do not recognize you. Who is this ice-cold woman looking back at me in the mirror. How did I become a functioning programmed robot in a trance? For the last 6 months I have neglected you. I am sorry. Let me give you a hug. We need to work on ourselves.
The important thing to realize is how we got here and then realize how do we fix it.
Over the last two years I fought a terrible custody battle and went through an ugly divorce. I was in a state fight or flight. I guess once it all ended that relief that I thought I would feel was a sense of grief. It was the grief I was not able to feel for two years while I was in pure survival mode. As happy as I was this was finally over, and knowing my children were safe and in a better place was a huge relief but I felt different than i expected. I was feeling sad the last ten years of my life was a lie. I was sad the last ten years of my life did not end up where I thought it would be today. I never realized when I thought I had it all how temporary it would be. That is when I realized everything is circumstantial. Yes, my life is perfect today but tomorrow everything could change.
After the awful custody battle was over, I found myself trying to keep busy. I’ve been busy with the kids, sports, drop off, pick up, going to school, working, and maintaining the house. Through out all of this I’ve been neglecting myself by eating lousy foods, drinking a lot at night to numb anything I was feeling through out the day, not exercising, not praying, not mediating. nothing. not even reading a single book. I realized I have been doing for everyone else and I completely forgot to take care of myself. When I woke up and hit this realization by my clothes not fitting the way they used to, my skin looking dull and slightly starting to wrinkle, my hair dye grown out, and just looking in the mirror and rolling my eyes to another day I knew I needed to make changes.
Here’s to the rotten lemons life gave me I’ve been holding onto for the last two years. I am throwing them in the trash. I am not making garbage high calorie lemonade with those lemons! They are gone, in the dump off to some decomposition pile. See you never lemons of the past! No lemonade for this mama.
And so, it begins. My new journey. New and improved me. It is now day three. There are millions of diets, food choices, exercises to make. Me, I went with keto. Hate it or love it. That is what I went with. This is what is helping me focus on climbing out of my little hole. This is not an article about keto, do not worry. But simply find a healthy choice that works for you! What motivates you? I have been wanting to lose 10-15 pounds for about a year now. It is time to make it happen.
Time to get moving! Go for a walk and exercise. Even if it is a 30-minute brisk walk. Get up and get going! You will feel better once you do and you will still burn 100-200 calories, better than no calories! Pray. Pray to your god, pray to a higher source, a spirit, or even yourself. Talk aloud and put your wants and needs out into the universe. Write yourself a letter. I wrote myself a letter last week about all the changes I wanted to make. I added both of my short and long term goals. I added the things that bothered me about myself and the things that i wanted to change. I also complimented myself. Remember to be kind to yourself. Now that my words were on paper I felt like I had to hold myself accountable. It has been a week later since my letter to myself and I am now ready to slowly start making these changes for myself. Making a substantial change can be difficult and overwhelming. If you make one slight change a day you can eventually start incorporating all of your goals into your everyday life, making them great new habits.
Please don’t forget to be kind to yourself. Do not be too hard on yourself but remember not to be too easy either. Hold yourself accountable. If you can love the person you see in the mirror, love will start to surround you. You are the creator or your own truth. Make your truth positive and full of light and life. One day at a time.
Don’t forget to throw out your old lemons. It’s time for a new drink, time to ditch the lemonade!